Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Walking with Your New Prosthesis

Walking with your New Prosthesis
by LadyAmp

I don't think I'll ever get over the feeling I got when I took my first step in five months! Wow!! For those five months I moved from place to place with my wheelchair or walker as my legs, and take it from me, it's not the same!

Yes, I know we learned how to walk when we were about a year old, but believe me, when it comes to learning it a second time, there's no 'taking it for granted'! After your amputation, you realize that walking will never be the same. And it isn't!

Not everyone gets a second chance to learn how to walk! And, not all amputees are able to walk again, but for those who can, and want to, I've made a list of Do's and Don'ts.

♥ Do: Read as much as you can about the kind of prosthetics available to you. There are different kinds of amputation, so it only goes to show, there are different prosthetics for each. The Internet, your physician, even the Physical Therapist you saw in the hospital are great sources of information about Prosthetists. Use them! Be an informed LadyAmp!

♥ Do: If you have private insurance, (ie: Blue Cross/Blue Shield, Aetna, etc.), call them to see what kind of coverage you have for prosthetics, so when you see your Prosthetist for the first time, he'll have an idea of what kind of leg or arm your insurance will cover. I was forunate in that for my very first prosthesis, they covered 100%.

♥ Don't: Sit on your hands and let the decision be made for you! A 'well informed' amputee is a happily walking amputee!

♥ Do: Ask your doctor (preferably the one who did your amputation) for a referral to a Certified Prosthetist. And yes, you read correctly! I said Certified! Anyone can hang a shingle calling themselves a prosthetist. But you can be sure if you ask for a Certified Prosthetist, you're going to get someone who has gone to school, has some experience with amputees and their needs, and you know if he comes from a recommendation of your doctor, part of the battle is done. I've worked around physicians all my working life, and most will send you where they know you'll be treated well.

♥ Don't: Take the word of a friend or family member about your Prosthetist! I am sorry, I don't mean to be cruel, but we're talking about you walking again! Your friends and family members mean well, but listen to common sense.

♥ Do: If your doctor doesn't have a recommendation, contact the hospital you were in and ask for the Physical Thereapy department. Then ask for the Department Manager. Now, you can ask for their recommendation. Know, they work with amputees all the time, they hear the success stories and they hear the horror stories! They can be a wealth of information.

♥ Don't: Be afraid to ask questions! Oh my!!! I can't express this more!!! Ask, ask again, and ask again the questions you need to have answered! This is your amputation, your life! Whether it's your doctor, your therapist, your prosthetist, ASK QUESTIONS! Examples:
  1. How long will I have to wear my temporary prosthesis?
  2. How many temporary prosthesis will I go through before I get my permanent one?
  3. What are prosthetic socks? Do I need them?
  4. When will I know when I need a new prosthesis?
  5. How much will my new prosthesis cost?
  6. My stump is shrinking? Is that good?
  7. How long does my permanent prosthesis last before I need a new one?
  8. I'm on a tight budget, where can I find prosthetic socks cheap?
  9. Will you take monthly payments?
  10. How much will it cost me for each fitting?
♥ Do: Be Careful! Just because you have a new prosthesis doesn't mean you've suddenly grown immune to falling! You haven't! Now, just as in the beginning, you need to guard against falls.

When I got my very first prosthesis, my leg guy told me I could only wear my new leg 4 hours out of the day for the first week. I was stunned!! Hey, I had a new leg, and I was ready to dance!! But he was right! Carrying around the extra weight of my prosthesis was difficult in the beginning! My whole body ached from the adjustment and I had a backache I didn't think would ever go away! But it did. Your body will adjust to your new leg and it will get better.

The second week, he upped my 'leg-time' to 6 hours a day. On the third week he told me I could wear it 8-10 hours a day.

After that, he said I could wear it for as long as it was comfortable. It was much later than that when I began wearing my leg all day. From the time I got up in the morning, until I went to bed at night, I wore my leg. But in the beginning, I also used my walker with my prosthesis. With my body aches, my arms hurting I knew I couldn't withstand the strain on my stump as well. So I played it safe and used my walker for about a month. I gradually moved onto a quad cane and then a straight cane. Of course, I didn't do all of this overnight. It was a year and half later when I started using the straight cane.

♥ Do: Give yourself time! Your body has gone through a tramatic experience. Your life has changed. But with patience, support from those around you, you'll definately make it!

If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask!!

Tips & Tricks for the Amputee

We all could use a Tip now and then, even more so for the amputee. I've learned several on my own and through frustrating experience. For those who are non-prosthetic users, you may find some of these tips useful as well. If you have a Tip or Trick that would benefit my visitors, please share it with us. E-mail me. I would be happy to add it to this already growing list!


New Tip from Higgy: Higgy's tip was such a God-send for me, I had to share it. When your prosthesis isn't covered, dirt, dust, dog hair, cat hair, etc., can get into the foot area of our leg. This can decrease the life of your leg. She suggests using a can of the compressed air you use to clean your keyboard. Hold the can about 6 inches away from your foot when spraying, but it's great to clean the foot area and the pin hole if you're using that kind of socket.

New Tip from Sara: The issue of gardening for an AKA has come up. In my mind, this would be near to impossible, but I've learned that 'when there's a will, there's a way' and when a LadyAmp has a question she can't find an answer to, she only needs to ask someone here at LadyAmp. Of course, foremost is safety for an AKA LadyAmp. As can be expected, gardening is a dirty job, and keeping your prosthetic shoe from looking like it's gone three rounds in a pigs trough is important. Sara answered the 'call'. She told us she's been using a rubber shoe that simply fits over her prosthetic shoe and it keeps her prosy shoe safe and dirt free. I've also added these links to the Information Links page. These are link for different the different kinds of the rubber shoes that Sara was able to find on the Internet.

Here are some sources and examples:

Some basic French gardening boots:

http://www.gardenscapetools.com/pages/Boots.htm - This is a nice looking, probably quite serviceable example. I'm not sure the heel is high enough, but it's not dead flat, so it would probably work quite well, especially with all that lovely traction. $50

Wellingtons: The Standard - http://www.wellie-boots.com/usmofcart/original.html English people don't usually say "garden boots" or "rubber boots"; they say "wellies," meaning Wellingtons. These are top of the line, brand-identified -- even have owners' social clubs. People who own them are passionate about them, and apparently for good reason; I've heard of people losing their wellies, but never wearing them out. The "Hunter Original" is probably the best for our purposes, with its nice heel, exemplary traction, and big calf buckle. It is $89, however.

(NOTE: Even if the heel looks big in the picture, so does the sole. When measuring the height of a heel, you really only want to take into consideration the difference in thickness between the sole and the heel. So even though this heel looks like it's an inch or more high, the sole looks like it's at least half an inch thick, so the actual height will nicely meet the arch of your average prosthetic foot.)

Muckmaster

http://www.growersupply.com/muckmaster.html - The groovy thing about these is that they breathe. $98, on sale right now for $79.95

Currin Rubber Work Boots

http://www.currinboots.com/rubberbtwebpg/rubber_workbootsHP.htm- Much of the variety I described above is represented on this one page, from cleats and steel toes to economy models. You see a lot of this type in Southeast Alaska (nicknamed "Skagway sneakers") because of all the rain: http://www.currinboots.com/rubberbtwebpg/xtrtuf.htm

Everyone wears them everywhere, and even eventually wears them out. These, though, look like they might be made just for your purposes: http://www.currinboots.com/rubberbtwebpg/gray%20max.htm I don't see any prices.

A more feminine option: http://www.clogsonline.com/IBS/SimpleCat/Product/asp/product-id/341322.html- These are smaller, lighter, and more fitted. You don't have to roll them down to get them on, but you also can't go calf-deep in mud, compost or manure in them. However, they might be just the ticket for more ladylike activities or just puttering about. They've also got awesome traction and what looks like a perfect heel, they come in some nice colors, and they're only $26.95.

A good deal on another solid choice: http://www.sierratradingpost.com/product.asp?wc=true&base_no=64372 - I think Le Chameau is another respected brand of well-made gardening boot, and this is a classy looking but still quite practical boot with great coverage at a sale price of $45.95.

Lacrosse hunting boots at L. L. Bean: http://www.llbean.com/ If you can hunt in it, you can weed-whack in it. Here's another nice, tall boot with somewhat sculpted calf, appropriate heel, traction, and a buckle. You can get it in camouflage so the weeds never see you coming, or go for the nice smooth green.

New Tip from Jan: "Hi, I’m Jan from Indiana, and I’m a double BK, 9 years now. My best trick ever is to spray your stumps with deodorant. I found out soon after my amputations that by the end of the day my legs smelled like dirty tennis shoes. I’m a girly girl, and this was driving me wild. I tried every powder, soap I could find and nothing helped. Finally out of desperation I sprayed my legs with deodorant, and IT WORKED!!!! No more smelly legs."

New Tip from Cvicfaris: "One of the things that makes bathing so much easier for me is having a basin or basket which hooks onto my tub or bench which contains my soap, shampoo, bathing sponge and anything else I might need such as razor, etc. This keeps everything at hand so that I don't have to risk injury by reaching for these items on shelves, etc". (Thank you Cv!!!)

1. When using a bath bench in the shower, make sure it is stable and fits well between the sides of the tub. A bath bench has a tendency to gather water in the metal legs. If you take the bench out of the tub before the water has time to drain, you'll end up with water on the floor and that is extremely dangerous!! Keep your bath bench inside the tub until the water has completely drained from the bench. Remember too, your bench is necessary! Give it a once over every couple of months. Make sure screws are tight, that there is no wiggle in the leg frames. Your safety comes first and taking a couple of minutes to make sure you can take a bath safely is important!

2. When using a walker, when you want to sit down on a chair, toilet, couch, move backward into it until the back of your good leg touches where you want to sit down. This way you know you've hit your mark.

3. If you're still using a wheel chair, find a tote bag, an old purse, something you can hang over the handle of your wheelchair. If it has a long strap, ( ie: an old purse) put a knot close to the purse itself to keep it from rubbing against the wheels of your wheelchair. Keep your medications, glasses, pen, paper and even the remote control in it. This way you always have what you need close at hand.

4. If you are on a walker, there is a wire basket that can hang on the front of your walker. This is a life saver in a lot of ways. You can carry items from the kitchen to where you are going, such as a soda, something to eat....these baskets aren't expensive and you can request one prior to being released from the hospital. Your Occupational Therapist should make sure you have it by the time you are released from the hospital. Using one of these baskets made me feel just a little more independent. I was able to get some things for myself without having to ask someone to get them for me.

5. My biggest fear was steps when I lost my leg. It took me weeks to even attempt to try and climb just a simple 3" high step. A trick my Physical Therapist showed me was instead of going up the stair in a forward motion, turn around and go up it backward. I know that sounds silly, but for me, it worked. Work with your P.T. to see if going forward will be a problem. If so, ask about going backward, it couldn't hurt.

6. With my first temporary prosthesis, I had a hard time keeping the sleeve from sliding down my leg. With it sliding down, my prosthetic socks kept bunching up. What I finally did was take a strap piece of Velcro and wrap it around the upper part of my leg. It worked wonders keeping my sleeve up.

7. Using a walker day in and day out will cause callouses on the palms of your hands. My hands got so sore I could hardly hold myself up. The handles of the walker are hard, though they are sturdy, they're still made of a hard plastic. I ended up wrapping a wash cloth, folded in two around the handles of my walker very tightly with rubber bands. I didn't want them slipping off and me taking a tumble. The wash cloths helped considerably and I finally didn't have sore hands any more.

8. Adaptive aids are expensive. Walkers, canes, wheelchairs, bath benches, they all add up to a lot of money. I've always suggested if a family member, friend are garage sale venturers, ask them to keep their eyes open for some of these items. Using 'used' adaptive aids is nothing new. With a good cleaning with soap and maybe even bleach, you'll have a good piece of equipment, and at the same time, save yourself a bundle of money.

9. This may sound grasse, but when it comes to tushies, some of us are more endowed than others:-). A toilet seat can suddenly become your enemy when you're trying to use it and you have only one leg. Here is a suggestion my husband figured out for me. When you receive your toilet arm rests (this is a brace that is attached to the toilet seat frame. It enables you to use both hands to push yourself up from a sitting position), there is one for the left side and the right side. For me it was uncomfortable to sit with those cold, metal rods against the side of my tush. In my case, I had the bathroom counter on my right and the tub to the left. I couldn't use the tub to push myself up, but I could use the counter. So my husband took the right hand arm rest off and kept the left one there. It made for a much more comfortable experience, if you know what I mean.:-)

10. Don't sit all day in your wheelchair and watch TV. Get out!! Move around, use your walker even if it's to just go out on the porch or patio. Getting fresh air and a change of scenery can make a gloomy day feel a little better.

11. Be patient with yourself! If you are like me, you wanted to walk the minute you got home from the hospital, but it just isn't possible. I had to take small steps toward my goal of walking again before I could actually take that first step. Believe in yourself and you'll get to your goal.

12. Try and get back into the activities you enjoyed prior to your amputation. If you loved jogging, then read about. Just because you can't do it right now, doesn't mean you won't in the near future. Reading magazines and books on your favorite pasttime or hobby helps the time go by and you are kept up on current events. For me, it was my computer and writing. I found I could still participate in my job as a news correspondent by writing articles about other amputees in need of assistance. Doing something you enjoy will bring back the feeling of independence.

13. In the beginning I was terrified of taking a shower! Before my amputation I could stand outside the shower and wait for the water to warm up and then jump in. But that changed! With my amputation came a new way of showering. Now I had to BE in the tub before I could turn the water on and there was no telling what was going to come out of the shower head! So.....my husband bought a hand held shower head. It worked miracles! I was able to hold it, until the water got warm and then take my shower. You can buy them just about anywhere anymore and the cost can be very minimal.

14. SNOW!! That was a four-letter word in my book!! For most amputees, snow and ice can be a horrible experience. I can remember once getting out of my car and taking two steps and feeling the ground slipping out from under me. I froze right where I was and was scared of moving. If you are using crutches or a walker, this is especially terrifying. BUT, there are ways around it. If you're going to family or a friends house, ask them to prepare a place for you to walk. Believe me, they don't want you hurt and will be glad to help you out. Salting the driveway or sidewalk will work wonders. If you are using a prosthesis (which I was using at the time) it can still be a scary moment. I've had other amputees tell me they take an old broom stick, hammer a nail into the end of it and use it as you would a ski pole. If nothing else, it can help you break up the ice in your path and allow you to get to where you're going. IF, you can't find a safe way into a building or house, then DON'T risk hurting yourself, even if it means going back home.

15. Newly out of the hospital you can expect to be exhaused with every little thing you do. Even as times goes by, moving around, getting from one place to another will tire you out. Don't think you're being 'whimpy' if you have to stop and rest. Do it!! If your muscles are tightening up, if you feel a strain on your good leg then it's time to sit and rest. This is a sign you're overdoing it. Heed that sign!!

16. A 'dressing stick' can help an arm amputee with dressing by taking hold of clothes and holding them in place while slipping arm through shirts, blouses, etc.

17. There are elastic shoe laces that enable a leg amputee to easily slip into their shoes. Taking advantage of Velcro laces that can be easily closed are also useful.

Devotees & Fetishists

Devotees and Fetishists
by Kimberley Barrada of the now closed website CripWorld

All amputees should be aware of this segment of society. There is a lot of controversy regarding devotees, the pros and the cons. In my research of the Internet for woman amputee sites, I found thousands of sites devoted to the 'devotee' and the 'fetishist'.  In fact, there may be more sites for them then there are on actual amputation. You be the judge.

What is a devotee?
Where are devotees found?
What is the difference between a devotee and a fetishist?
Are they dangerous?
How can I protect myself?
What is a devotee?
Devoteeism or acromotophelia is the sexual attraction to people with amputations.
Where are devotees found?
Devotees are known to put themselves into situations where they have frequent opportunities to meet, interact, touch or otherwise be exposed to amputees.  Devotees have been found leading Amputee support groups, involved in amputee/disabled sports events and programs as coaches, volunteers and officials, in prosthetic facilities as prosthetists, technicians and assistants and in orthopedic medical/rehab offices.  There have also been devotees acting as medical officers at the Paralympic Games (one was in fact the medical officer to a European National Team).
What is the difference between a devotee and a fetishist?
In my experience, there are 2 different types of devotees.  The devotee and the fetishist.  I define the difference as one of respect and adult/mature interaction with the amputee. 

The devotee is interested in the amputee and is up front about the attraction.  These individuals find amputees "even more beautiful due to the amputation." 

Devotees are motivated by the desire to be near and to assist and interact with an amputee in a positive manner.  Many devotees have been exposed to amputees in a positive lifestyle situation (for example a family member, parent, teacher or childhood friend may have been an amputee) which results in a natural attraction to an amputee.  The "stump" is not the object, but is an attraction trigger.  Devotees are known to build limbs, design living aids and generally assist the amputee to whatever degree they are able and some amputees consider this to be a positive addition to their lives.  In fact, there are amputees who are happily involved with devotees due to the inherent nature of the situation.

Fetishists, on the other hand are of the opinion that "most people are repulsed by amputees, but not me" thereby trying to insinuate that amputees would be overlooked by the general population as potential mates/friends/lovers etc.  This is blatantly untrue, but serves their purpose of reducing the amputee to a "stump" or objectifying the amputee and removing the person from the equation.  These people prey on new amputees and those with low self-esteem and a negative body image.  They take great pains to reinforce these negative attitudes in order to make themselves appear benign and to keep the amputee from rising above them.

Are they dangerous?
I do not consider Devotees dangerous.  To a devotee, the amputation is a trigger but not a fixation.

Fetishists, however, are extremely dangerous and are suffering from a severe mental illness and are to be avoided at all costs.

How can I protect myself?
Knowing the difference is the biggest safety precaution you can take.

Devotees are positive and up front about their attraction and are not interested in reducing the amputee to an object.

Fetishists can usually be identified by their furtive methods, refusal to leave you alone, harrassment and forced, unsolicited and/or surreptitious photography.  These individuals will also pose as family members of amputees and ask very pointed, intrusive questions regarding personal aspects of the amputation.

They are also known to frequent orthopedic wards and may often be the first person they see after surgery. 

Comments like "You are STILL attractive" and other comments designed as negative reinforcement are also common.

Protection comes in many forms, including maintaining and developing a strong sense of self worth and self-esteem and developing and maintaining a positive body image.  This is especially important with child amps and those who are new amputees.

Do not allow photography of your residual limb or of your child by anyone you do not know.  There is no reason for a prosthetist or other pseudo-medical person to need a photograph.  This includes casting and testing sessions as well as physiotherapy or gait training.

Please follow this link to read an update to Kimbereley's article.

Friday, May 3, 2013

Going Back to Work

Going back to work after an amputation is a difficult, if almost an impossible decision to make. For some women the decision has been made for them, they have no choice. Their amputation keeps them from returning to the work they did before their amputation. But depending on the kind of amputation you had, your stamina, the support around you and your doctor's approval, you can return to work, even without a prosthesis.

Of course, no one said it was going to be a piece of cake. Believe me, it rarely is. For me, I HAD to return to work within 3 months after my amputation or I would lose my health benefits, and at the time, I had no choice.

Before you plunge back into the work force, there are lots of things to consider. These are only a few you have to contemplate:

The first obsctacle you may not consider is does your employer WANT you back? Don't be too surprised by this question. ALL employers HAVE to accept you back, it's a potential discrimination lawsuit if they don't. For most employers you have now become a liability. If you hurt yourself on the job in the condition you are in, it's a Worker's Compensation claim that they themselves will have to deal with and believe me, those kind of claims eat away at profits.

In some cases, your employer may make returning to work difficult. In my case I was working 40 hours a week, 5 days a week with benefits. When I told my boss I was coming back to work, it wasn't 2 days later I was informed that my hours had been cut to 20 hours and I no longer had ANY benefits. I'm 'assuming' that they thought I would give up my idea of returning to work but I surprised them. It made me angry that I had lost my leg and now I was losing my job. So I accepted their proposal and went back to work. I took my benefits on the COBRA plan which probably didn't make them very happy either, but I was determind to go back to work. At the time I was doing it because I thought I needed to cover as much of the COBRA costs as possible, but I realize now it was to prove to myself I could.

There are lots of things to consider when going back to work. Stop and think about the layout of your office (or where ever you work). Remember what obstacles there are to get INTO your office. When you had two legs, most likely you didn't think about such trivial things. But that changes once you become an amputee. Are there steps going into your building? Can you park your car close to the entrance? Is there handicap parking? How many handicap spaces are there? If there is only 1 or 2, will you be able to claim one of them for yourself or will it be a guessing game every time you go to work? Do you have a handicap placard for your car? (These are not difficult to optain from the Motor Vehicles Department of your city. You may have to get a note from your doctor stating your disablity and that it is a permanent one. I was told by a LadyAmp visitor that in Indiana she didn't have to have a note from her doctor, because she could prove to the MVD that she was PERMANENTLY disabled. Yet, when I went in to apply for one, (Ohio) they needed a note from my doctor stating that my amputation was permanent! Go figure!!) Is there a ramp instead of stairs you can use to get into your building? And once you get INTO your building, what other obstacles are you faced with? More stairs and no elevator? Or do you have a long walk to your office? Can you get your walker through the front door of the building with the least amount of energy used? Some office building doors are heavy and this can be a hinderance. These are questions you need to ask yourself BEFORE you can even consider going back to work.

Ask yourself about your stamina. Your upper body strength HAS to be at its maximum if you are planning to return to work. If you are using a walker or crutches, your arms have to be able to withstand getting you into your building and back out again AND get you from one place to another once you get to work. That's not to say you won't be getting your share of upper body strengthening while you're at work, because you will! Holding your body upright for any length of time is going to put strain on your arms and upper body. So be prepared! You're going to hurt for a few days. Your arms are going to ache, even your neck muscles will be sore. But...it will go away. I know, I had to deal with it.

What about your good leg? Is it going to be able to withstand the strain of going into and out of your building? You'll be placing all your weight onto it and your leg isn't use to that much strain at one time. Your leg will tire easily, it'll ache from over-used muscles, and muscles you haven't used! There were times I thought I couldn't take another step because my good leg ached so badly! But with each day came increased ability to get from one place to another a little easier than it had been the day before. Of course, to make matters worse in my case, my amputation was during the winter, when snow covered the ground, ice and sleet were at it's worse and I had to walk through all of this with a walker and only one leg. I had to overcome some major fears when going back to work. If it's winter time, you'll be faced with these obstacles as well. But FACE THEM!! If getting into the office after an ice or snow storm scares you, call the office and have someone outside waiting to help get you into the office. In snow country, most office buildings and/or professional buildings will have 'salted' the parking lot the first thing in the morning. That does help! ALWAYS ask for help! Don't be afraid to ask!! BUT....if getting into the office after such a storm is impossible, DON'T GO!!! You're safety is priority! You don't want to hurt your good leg, because that will put you out of commission for a long while!

When I started out, I thought I had kept my leg strength up to it's maximum, but I had NO idea how wrong I was! The strain of getting into, out of, going to and coming back from different areas of your office will put a lot of strain on your one leg. Don't be afraid to sit down when your good leg begins to tire. Place chairs strategically around the office, the copy machine room, fax room, even the coffee room, (most bosses won't mind!!) for you to rest when you need too.

The one thing we all take for granted at work is going to the ladies room. I know, that may sound grasse, but it's something you have to deal with. If your ladies room is right there in your office, you won't have to worry about it too much. As long as your walker or crutches can make it through the door, you should be alright. Most ladies rooms anymore have grab bars and if yours doesn't, you might want to consider asking the building manager to install them for you. In most states in this country it's the law! Again, don't be afraid to ask!!!! It's important to keep yourself safe!

BUT...if you have to leave your office and travel down some hallways to get to the ladies room, then you have another obstacle. I was faced with this. I HATED having to go to the ladies room. What use to take 3-4 minutes suddenly took 18 minutes!!!! Be prepared for it!!! I stopped drinking my morning cup of coffee at work because I knew I'd end up having to go to the ladies room. It's another obstacle, but I know you'll face it. We all do and it will get better!

I can guarantee the first month back to work will be like a year! But you'll work past it!! You might want to consider working just enough hours to keep your medical benefits. Of course, you'll need to talk to your boss about your ability to come back to work and if you can do the same job you did prior to your amputation. If you were a waitress, it's doubtful you'll be able to resume the same duties until after you get a prosthesis and are able to walk again. If you work at a desk with minimal traveling through the office, you should do alright.

These are only a few of the obstacles you'll be faced with when you are ready to get back into the workforce. You will need a release from your doctor, stating you can return to work. If he won't release you to do so, your employer isn't obligated to give you back your job. Check your states requirements for long term medical leave. You may be entitled to some kind of Disablity if you aren't able to return to work. See my article on Disability.

Coping With Your Loss

It's been six months, or ten months, even a year since your amputation. Time has gone by and the world around you has continued to go on. How could that be? How could things stay the same when you've changed so much? You stare at the part of you that's missing, or you can't bare to see what it looks like and once again, you cry. You don't feel 'whole'. You miss what you lost, as though it were someone close to you.

The loss of a part of your body is the same kind of grief as if you'd lost a parent, a child or sibling. And it's grief that you have to deal with. You may not recognize it, you may not know it's there. It sneaks up on you, without warning, without any indication you've even thought about it. But it's there, it's real, and you will have to face it sooner or later.

You need to grieve, to get past the emotional roller coaster your heart and mind are going through.  It may take 6 months, 10 months, even a year to accept and to grieve. There is no time table for grief. But in time, and most likely when you least expect it, your heart will tell you when the time is right to move on. Or it may come as a surprise to you when you realize you woke up that morning and you were no longer angry at the world around you. But lets face it, it's a hard cycle to deal with. The changes in your life, in your future, in your own heart will be difficult, but at the end of the cycle is recovery and peace of mind. I know, I've been there.

My first emotion was denial. I had 12 days before my amputation to accept the inevitable. But I didn't. Even after surgery, I had my husband lift the sheet of my hospital bed to see if my leg was gone. His tears and the pain on his face told me what I already knew.

My heart ached. I wanted to be left alone. I didn't need anyone, I didn't need pity or support, I didn't need anyone to help me get through the hardest thing I would ever face in my life. I could do it by myself.

Behind closed doors I cried. I felt sorry for myself, I felt angry. The anger inside of me welled up like a volcano ready to erupt. Why did this happen to me? Why? Why? It was the one question I could never answer. Even today, I still don't know.

With a second admission to the hospital just 3 weeks after coming home with an infected stump, my denial and anger only grew. I didn't want to see the beauty in the winter snow around me or the love and support my husband and son gave me day in and day out. I was angry!! It was justified anger!! I had a reason to be angry! I had a reason for not wanting anyone around me! I was the sole member of my own pity party and no one else was invited.

When I returned home again from the first revision of my stump, my world evolved around 10:00 in the morning and 6:00 in the evening. The infection left my stump in need of twice daily whirlpools that were so painful I cried though them the first week and cried even more because I knew I had to go through the whirlpools for 2 more months. I promised God if he got me through just one more day of whirlpools I would be good. I would have made a promise to the devil himself if it would have stopped the pain I was in. I wanted to sleep. During sleep I didn't have to face anyone, especially myself. When I wasn't in the middle of a whirlpool, my mind kept wandering to the future. Where was I in this big picture they call life? I was an amputee, what could I offer the world?

It took time, but I finally found myself, my life as it came to be. I realized that the world will change around me, but I can change with it.

Acceptance came slowly, very slowly. With each new accomplishment I made, I found a thread of hope to hang onto. My first thread of hope came when, after only 3 weeks of whirlpools, my doctor was ready to close my stump. You can only imagine my shock at this development! The whirlpools were suppose to take 2 months! But he told me we had accomplished cleaning my stump out in 3 weeks, not 2 months. He looked at my shocked face with a grin and said, 'You did good". Wow!

My second thread was getting my first prosthesis. My next thread was after sitting in a wheelchair for 5 months, I took my first step. But each thread can come unraveled at times. Seven months after my amputation I had to have my last revision. I cried for an hour because the last thing I wanted to do was go into the hospital. Even with that small unravelling, my threads became stronger. My stump finally healed closed, and with my prosthesis I had graduated from a walker, to a quad cane to a straight cane. Each day was an adventure in firsts and an abundance of fears that I finally came to terms with. My reward for not giving up on myself was finally walking without the assistance of a cane.

We learn as we go along. We know our own strengths, what our own bodies can withstand and what our mind will accept. We carry the fear of falling as a constant companion. My prosthetist told me once, "It's not 'if' you fall, it's 'when' you fall". That scared me silly!! But he was right. The night I got home from the hospital after my amputation, I fell, right onto my newly amputated stump. I swore that would be the last time. And I held that record for two and half years before I had my next fall. Thankfully, I had worked out my fears and when I did fall, I didn't hurt myself. I ended up with a bruise on my back, along with my slightly bruised pride.

So, with 13 years under my belt being a LadyAmp, I've learned there is life after amputation. There is still a world to explore, family to love and the ability to know I've finally accepted my loss. I've became 'whole' again.

I've been reluctant to mention another resource that's helped me accept my life and go on to the next phase. Some people don't want it told and they're turned off by it. But I have to say it. I know in my heart that I wouldn't be where I am now without the faith I've placed in God. I thank Him everyday for keeping me here in this world. For the loving support from my husband, son and family. Without my faith I think I would still be sitting in a wheelchair. But He gave me the strength, the love and guidance to move forward.

Always remember. it takes time, but you'll get there. Believe in yourself, and you can accomplish anything!

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Amputees & Airports

All amputees who travel know the procedures of explaining their amputation and answering questions that go along with going through and getting past the metal detectors and x-ray machines used to keep our skies safe. But since the terrorists attack we've all had to deal with a new way of traveling.

In the March/April 2002 inMotion magazine from the Publication of the National Limb Loss Information Center, an informational article is written by Christina DiMartino on Airport Security for those with prostheses. For those who do not receive inMotion magazine, I'd like to highlight some of it's suggestions.

  • Give yourself plenty of time in the event you reach a security station that will require more than just a visual observation of your prosthesis.
  • The delivery of security at one airport may not be the same at another. Be prepared. Don't count on one security station to communicate to another in the same airport (if you have to go through more than one) that you will be arriving at another. Rarely does one station speak to another. Be prepared to give another explanation.
  • Wear loose clothing in the event you have to disrobe.
  • Let your body language speak for you. If you communicate clearly and then ask them what you can do to prove your disability, you're less likely to run into any lengthy problems. This isn't a promise, but it can't hurt.
  • For some guards, using the word 'prosthesis' may not be a good idea as some may not know what the word means. 'Artifical leg or arm' may be a better term.
  • In some cases, be prepared to be touched. Some amputees don't like drawing attention to themselves or their disability, but unfortnately, it can't go unnoticed at airport security. This may sound obnoxious, but you will have to 'deal with it' if flying is your only recourse.
  • Contact Airport Security of the airline you will be flying before making a reservation to tell them about your prosthesis and find out what you and them can do to avoid a lengthy security check.
  • Be prepared for the unexpected! You never know what you'll have to go through to get on board a plane.
  • If you need a wheelchair, while making your reservation, ask for a wheelchair and the day of your departure, call the airline again to confirm your request.
The AirCarrier Access Act (ACAA) and the Department of Transportation's rules prohibit discriminatory treatment of people with disability in air transportation. Since the tragic events of September 11th, the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has issued directives to strengthen security measures at airline checkpoints and passenger screening locations. In securing the national air transportation system, where much of the FAA's efforts have been directed, steps were also taken to ensure that the new procedures preserve and respect the civil rights of passengers with disabilities. The FAA's Fact Sheet provides information about the accessibility requirements in air travel in light of strengthened security measures by providing a few examples of the types of accommodations and services that must be provided to passengers with disabilities.


Dedication

LadyAmp is dedicated to my husband Ed. Without his love, his support and his undeniable courage to go through what he did for me, I wouldn't have made it through this ordeal. He has been my friend, my support, my rock and a shoulder to cry on when I needed one. He accepted me long before I ever did. My hope and prayer is that every LadyAmp in this world has the same support I am so fortunate to have.

To my Ohio family, who never once looked at me like I was less than who I am, I am so grateful to you. And to my sister Sue and Mom in California, you always kept me on my toes, (even though there are only 5 now :-) and supported my triumphs and cried with me at the setbacks. You have no idea what it means to have such a supportive family!

To my son Patrick, who never let me get away with feeling sorry for myself and still doesn't, I love you. In so many ways he's made me face some of my biggest fears by standing with me when I was too scared to stand alone.

To my daughter Debbie who prayed and cried for me, and my son David who never wavered in his belief I would make it, I love you more than anything and I couldn't be prouder of you!.

From my family in California, Florida, Georgia and Nebraska (you know who you are!! :-) who supported my husband as much as myself, I adore you!

To my family, I dedicate these pages. I love you all.